Schmoozing 101 (How to schmooze like a ninja)

Good afternoon, dear ones.

Melissa here with your newest post for Motivational Monday!

This past weekend, I was at a fancy surprise birthday party for my grandmother in a country club in Denver. Here I found myself surrounded by a bunch of people, most of whom I don’t know very well, or don’t know at all. Basically, it was total awkward sauce.

The “surprise” part was great. She cried, my dad cried; with over 80 people gathered together- friends and family- it was touching and sweet. BUT the rest of night consisted of many hours of polite smiles and uncomfortable high heels to deal with!

Let me tell you right now that this is the sort of thing that I would have avoided like the plague. I used to feel like the black sheep of the family – I had nothing in common with these people! Before I went through my personal inner transformation, I was always angry around these family members because I felt judged. I was so “different” and no one “understood” me. So I always alienated myself and refused to engage in meaningful communication. Why should I try to pretend to care when it was so obviously a fake conversation to begin with?

Because I have undergone extensive training and worked my butt off to create a life I love, the time spent with these people was easy breezy and sooooo different than my past experiences.

(Dare I say, I enjoyed myself?)

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And because I love you, I’m sharing my best tools for handling these situations in an authentic way!

Stay in present time.

This means to be all there in each moment. Stop thinking about the to-do lists at home. Stop judging your relatives. Quit the worrying and the negative self-talk. BE THERE. When someone is talking with you, be fully there. Comfortably face them. Stop fidgeting. Don’t dart your eyes around looking for a convenient distraction. Make eye contact. Show that you understand them and really see them as the person they are.

Practice active listening.

You know how obvious it is when someone’s looking at you but they aren’t listening to a word you’re saying, right? And that probably makes you feel like a piece of dirt on the carpet. Like they can’t be bothered to care.

So let’s not make other people feel that way! Really listen to them. After you have quieted your mind and are in present time, active listening should be EASY.

Drop the ego.

It’s not about the prettiest dress, the fanciest jewelry, or the best-looking couple. Let your social veneer melt away. Stop trying to be interesting. Who are you trying to pretend to be and why? Exude genuine confidence. It comes from within, because you know who you are and what your purpose is. (I can help you with that)

Sure, dress up and have fun. But be real. It’s not a competition. Don’t waste your time caring about what other people are thinking about you. Honor yourself and spend time with people that help you to cultivate that.

Honor yourself and respect others.

Treat the caterers with real respect. The people who have to maneuver around you to hand out hours devours and clean up after you are people, just like you and me, and they probably don’t want to be doing that on a Saturday night, and they certainly don’t want to be talked down to for taking care of you! I’ve been one of them. I know what it’s like to be treated like an insignificant mutt. The way you talk to your second cousins and the way you talk to the nice lady pouring your drink should not be different.

Speaking of honor and respect, watch how many cocktails you’re downing. Learn to enjoy yourself and others without the liquid crutch. The more sober you can be, the more you shine from a place of authenticity. You know how your uncle can get when he’s had a few too many. It’s much easier to stay present, fully engaged, and alert when you choose to honor yourself 🙂

And your morning after will thank you.

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