It is ok to be larger than your romantic partner.
We have been brainwashed by the beauty propoganda machine to believe that as a woman, we should ALWAYS be itty bitty compared to our male counterparts. We should be small enough to throw over their shoulders or hold up against the wall or carry over the threshold…all of the concepts that film has pushed as ideals of love and romance.
We often associate passing the scale of our partners weight with feelings of self loathing toward ourselves and our bodies.
Important fact to note:
ALL bodies are diverse. Men, Women, Intersex or Non-Bianary, no 2 human beings have the exact same body structure.
Each of us has different genetic make ups, bones structures, and dietary needs. These all play a part in how our bodies look, meaning the same numbers on the scale do not look the same for any two people.
I polled groups with over 7,000 women and the results overwhelmingly followed a very similar sentiment to this:
“In the beginning of our relationship, I worried a lot about being the larger one as I had never been the bigger one in a romantic relationship, but now It doesnt bother me. I feel loved and safe and secure in our life together. And he does reassure me constantly of his love for me but I will always notice the snide remarks and stares.”
“It’s hard to feel sexy and hot when you dont like how you look. Even though my partner loves me and compliments me, I dont believe it and see myself in the total opposite way. Sexually, I struggle.”
The “beauty propaganda machine” has convoluted love into a game of who’s the cutest couple. Being a woman larger than her partner, I have seldom even felt I was even participated to play.
You see, I am 213lbs and 5’3″ and my partner is 155 and 5’9″. Our physical bodies are totally opposite. He is long and lanky and I am short and round. One thing with being a larger woman, that haunted me with past partners, was them not being able to reach all of the way around my hips….with my partner now, his long arms fit around me with room to spare….and it makes me feel so sexy.
He doesn’t give a fuck what I weigh. He loves my body.
He touches the parts of me that have gone through years of abuse and self hatred….my hips….my tummy….my chin….and he gives me new eyes to see myself with.
I love this quote from Hannah Bolton:
“As women, we’re frequently told that it’s unattractive or problematic for women to take up too much space, especially physically. When a man has a female partner who’s physically heavier than them, it’s often positioned as the butt of a joke (think the entire plot of Shallow Hal) or as something he should be ashamed of or embarrassed by (think literally any “I hooked up with a fat chick” joke in any bromance movie ever made). But this degrading stereotype has absolutely no basis in reality.
If the love is real between the two of us, our sizes shouldn’t matter.”
In American society there is a propagated lie that heavy bodies and slender bodies are not able to have satisfying intimate relationships. I am not going to crush my partner because I am larger than him, in fact my curves and softness provide a bounce back that only enhances the pleasure of the act…
Having a body that is culturally considered “fat” to my partners “skinny” has no impact on how good things are in bed….the only negative impact is if I get in my own way by means of self sabatoge through negative self talk.
This is me and my partner, Mike, styled for an interview with our local News Paper. I am clearly larger than him…and it clearly does not matter! We are still putting ourselves in the running for that cutest couple slot 😉
I asked Mike if he would send me a few words to include and this is what he said!
“Lindsay is my person. I found her. Skinny, short, tall, athletic it’s all about the person. So what if she is bigger then I am? I’m confident and proud to have her on my arm. She is beautiful, I’ve never dated a more confident woman and to me that is beautiful.” – Mike
Tell us in the comments what your partner says about you!
Shoes: Louis Vuitton
Hair clips: Kitsch
Earrings / necklace: Circles
For this look I opted for a monochromatic look with a classic silhouette. By adding in fun textures like the tulle skirtting of the dress and the brocade jacket, I am able to take a normally boring color pallet and bring to it a way more fun energy level.
I do like belting over blazers for my figure. I like to accentuate my smaller waist line. I feel like it also adds an unexpected flair to a classic look.
I went with wild earrings that matched my blazer because my hair was pulled away from my face. I have a round face shape, so to create definition with my hair pulled back, big earrings gave the perfect face framing. I opted for a simple link necklace from Bauble Bar and rhinestone Bobby clips from Kitsch. I also made sure that my glasses fit the color palette – these are my favorite pair from Voogueme.com
As usual I have a brooch just because they make me feel more sophisticated. This time I had enough designer logos with my shoes and belt, that I went for this Gucci inspired bee I found on Amazon rather than a 3rd designer logo! (My personal rule of thumb is to attempt no more than logos from 2 different brands at a time! The reason for this…there is no real reason, it is just a personal preference!)
For the male readers, Mike is wearing Calvin Klein slacks and a Italian blazer purchased from Mark Thomas with a Louis Vuitton Belt and my vintage Chanel pin. I love that he accented it with a pop of leopard.
Be sure that you are following @thebodyimageactivist @lisaopie and @LadyCodeOfficial for more fashion, beauty and badass women on the rise.